


Pranks and Proxies

by facetofcathy



Category: Actor RPF, Leverage RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Spouse, Coercion, Community: 36 Stratagems, Dubious Consent, Humour, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, see notes before reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-16
Updated: 2010-07-16
Packaged: 2017-10-10 14:24:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/100749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/facetofcathy/pseuds/facetofcathy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen needs revenge, and he's willing to go a long way to get it.</p><p>Written for <span><a href="http://36-stratagems.dreamwidth.org/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://36-stratagems.dreamwidth.org/"><b>36_stratagems</b></a></span> And the prompt:  Kill with a borrowed knife. Attack using the strength of another (in a situation where using one's own strength is not favorable). Trick an ally into attacking him, bribe an official to turn traitor, or use the enemy's own strength against him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pranks and Proxies

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains depictions of coercion and what appears to be dubious consent. No one does anything they do not fully consent to.
> 
> This story also contains depictions of juvenile humour and some not fully sex-positive attitudes. Cross dressing is played for laughs, but in what I hope comes off as a positive way.

"And I'm going to do this because?" Aldis said.

Jensen sighed. This whole plan had been better in his head. He tightened his grip on the phone and tried to sound convincing, or pleading, or pitifully desperate. "Because Chris called up Jared last week and convinced him to, you know, do what he did, and I want to pay him back."

"That's what's in it for you, and don't be coy, Ackles. I saw the footage, blurry through tears of maniacal laughter, mind you, but I know what Jared did."

Jensen waited patiently for Aldis to stop quoting his favourite parts. It hadn't been that funny, and it was not going to end up on the DVD blooper reel, because, well, Jensen hadn't worked that out yet. He was still busy with the more pressing issue of revenge.

"Seriously, Jensen, you have to come up with something in it for me to get me into your cross-border prank war by proxy."

"Fine, name your price."

"Sexual favors," Aldis said promptly.

"Not funny, man, come on. What do you want? Some of Vancouver's best weed, some Cuban cigars? Name it."

"I did," Aldis said, and he sounded serious, which he was good at, which was why Jensen wanted him taking point on his get back at Chris plan.

Jensen took a very slow sip of his beer. He was totally not in any sort of state of _agitation_ or anything because Aldis was yanking his chain in this particular way. "You're not serious."

"See, Jensen, what I don't get, and you can feel free to clarify it for me, here, is why you are willing to smuggle in a variety of illegal goods, at risk of arrest, career implosion big enough to knock Ms. Lohan out of the headlines, and—let's not forget—a strip search conducted by TSA agents who thought they were going to spend their careers catching terrorists but find themselves tragically wasting away in the Portland airport, but the idea of a little recreational sex with yours truly scares you off. I'm hurt man."

"Fuck, Aldis, I wasn't going to actually smuggle it myself. Jared knows this guy."

"Well unless this guy is as pretty as you and is willing to be a little more, shall we say, friendly to a lonely fellow far from home in need of a little comfort..."

"Lonely guy. Jesus. I am not pimping out Jared's connection, even if I thought he'd meet your standards for _pretty_." Jensen sneered out the word. Damn, he hated when people called him that, which was not the most pressing issue. He needed to keep this on track. "Come on, Aldis, pick something else."

"Nope. It's that or nothing."

"I just—"

"And Jensen," Aldis said, voice sliding down into a seductive purr, "I guarantee I can prank Mister Kane like he's never been pranked. There will be pink lacy underwear, and it _will_ be on film."

"Shit," Jensen said, picturing it. He really wanted that. He deserved that after what Chris and Jared had made him do, and the sound of Aldis's voice curling in his ear was addling his senses, and he was an inch away from asking if he'd take phone sex in payment and how about right now. Jensen had to stop this before he did something stupid, more stupid than believing every script page Jared handed him was real. "Forget it, Hodge, I'll figure something else out." Jensen snapped his phone closed and paced his living room for an hour.

Jensen had his finger hovering over the redial button when his phone buzzed in his hand. He looked down to see a text from Jared.

_Hello, my name is Ollie, and I am a Swedish exchange student._

Fucker. The script pages had looked legit, and the writing for this season was a little iffy anyway, and he had to keep that off the blooper reel. One problem at a time. First, Chris Kane, then he'd worry about the rest of it. He hit redial and waited for Aldis to pick up.

It sounded like he was in a noisy bar still—likely that joint Chris had practically moved into—and Jensen could barely hear him. "What was that?" he yelled into the phone, which was idiotic, but he felt like yelling.

"Are you calling to beg some more, which is fun in its own way, or are you ready to deal?" Aldis said.

"No begging, Hodge. Not my style." Jensen's palms started sweating as he thought about what he was putting into motion. He could back out now and no one would know but Aldis. He didn't need to get back at Chris, he just wanted to. A lot. "You've got a deal."

"Knew you couldn't turn down a taste of something so fine."

"Spare me. Just—you do your part, and I'll do mine."

"Two weeks, baby. You get that pretty ass of yours down here, and I will have the video evidence of a job well done."

Jensen growled in what he hoped was a menacing way, but probably sounded about as scary as something Icarus would produce. "Deal," he said and hung up before Aldis could say anything else annoying in that stupid cheesy-sexy voice of his.

* * *

"Dammit, Aldis, this better be worth it," Chris said. They'd screwed up three takes already, and he was starting to lose his enthusiasm for this project. Aldis and his big ideas.

"Suck it up, man." Aldis moved one of the lights and shifted around with the camera for a few minutes. "Just lie back and think of the look on Ackles' face when he realizes we're in on it together."

Chris settled himself against the headboard and resisted the urge to scratch his balls. How the fuck women wore this lacy stuff was beyond him.

"Okay, let's roll," Aldis said.

Chris smiled slowly and seductively at a spot about two feet to the left of the camera and said, "I'm ready, sugar, you want to come on in now?"

Aldis filmed him for a few more minutes as he called out a couple of more times to his phantom lover. Then he acted a bit frantic, scrambling off the bed, making sure to flash his pink-clad ass at the camera while he tried the door, only to find it locked. This time—it hadn't been for take one. He got a little flustered looking for his clothes and finding the closet empty. He stared long and hard at the phone on the bedside table and reached out and picked it up only to slam it back down again. He stormed around for a bit, cursing and kicking at the bed frame for effect—not too hard this time—and then he picked up the phone and pushed the button for the front desk. "Um, hi, yeah, um—I'm in room 104, and I have a bit of a problem..."

"And, cut," Aldis said. "That was awesome, man, you should try being an actor or something. You're not bad."

"Come on, let's film the reveal scene so I can get out of this damn itchy thing." Aldis stared at him in something akin to horror while he indulged in another good scratch. Chris tipped him an unapologetic wink and jumped back on the bed while Aldis set the camera up on the dresser and got it rolling.

* * *

Jared was having second thoughts. He was having his second pair of shots too, but he was definitely having second thoughts. Jensen had been quiet and irritable on the short flight down to Portland, which wasn't all that unusual, but he'd gotten quieter and more nervous looking the closer they got to the hotel.

They'd met up with Chris at his hotel, theirs too, and the tequila bottle had made a quick appearance. Jensen had barely spoken to Chris and had studiously avoided even looking at Aldis. He had a death grip on his beer and a look of resignation on his face that was killing Jared's buzz of anticipation for the big reveal.

It was possible that they had gone a little too far this time, letting Jensen think he was going to have to actually provide sexual favors. Jared snorted just thinking the phrase. They'd been worried beforehand, of course, but mostly that Jensen would just say _hell, yes_ to the suggestion, and then they'd have to find a plan B in a hurry. That hour and a half before Jensen had caved and called Aldis back had been tense. Jared had goaded Jensen over the edge with that lovely textual reminder of his Emmy-worthy job of playing Dean playing Ollie the exchange student. God, Jensen could be so fucking gullible. But, no, Jared was having second thoughts, not finding this extraordinarily hilarious. He wasn't that big an asshole that he couldn't feel a little empathy for Jensen's personal terror, even if his twitchiness had been a drag on the flight down. Shit, he was going to be so pissed. They'd all need to watch their backs for, like, years after this.

Aldis grabbed another beer, sat down beside Chris, slinging an arm over his shoulders. He reached over and popped open a laptop that was just sitting there on the coffee table. Jared only half listened to his build-up; he was supposed to be keeping Jensen in the dark as to whose side he was on, and Jared kept his eyes on Jensen to see how it was going down. The video started, and Chris was bouncing around on the sofa, overacting as much as he had on the video. Jensen just stared at the screen, all tense and quiet, not even getting to laugh at Chris in the pink lace. And that was too bad, because Jared thought the video was hilarious.

Aldis had Chris in a fake headlock, pretending to keep him from going for the laptop. The video cut off in the middle of Chris's call to the front desk, and the camera jumped around a bit until the shot settled down to Chris sitting on the bed, mile-wide smirk on his face. Aldis flopped down beside him, and they were yelling at the camera how Jensen had been punked again, and Chris was pumping his fist in the air in triumph, on screen and off.

Jared laughed at that part, he'd seen it about six times already, but the you've been punked part was his favorite. Jensen wasn't laughing. He was standing up and giving Aldis a hard look.

"What the ever loving fuck, Hodge?" Jensen shouted. "You were in on this?" Jensen rounded on Jared and pointed at him accusingly. "You were fucking in on this too, weren't you?"

Jared tried an innocent looking shrug that Jensen ignored to go poke his finger at Chris's chest. "You're the fucking mastermind here, Kane. That phone call, you were fucking there, weren't you? Shit, I knew that sounded like a bar in the background."

Chris was laughing so hard, he almost slid off the couch, and Jensen looked ready to take a swing. Jared stood up, thinking he might need to step in there in a minute.

"Damn, wish we'd recorded that call," Chis said. "You should have heard you, offering up anything you could think of to protect your non-existent virtue. Don't need to worry now though. You're off the hook."

"Oh, no," Jensen said, and moved the poking finger routine on to Aldis. "No fucking way. You don't get to say I wimped out. I made a deal, I keep the deal, even if you're some fucking traitor who can't remember what side he's on."

"Jensen," Aldis said, pleading a bit, but Jared could see that set to Jensen's jaw and suddenly this wasn't funny at all any more.

"Jensen, man, come on," Jared tried. "We're sorry, okay, just, you don't need to take this too far."

"Fuck off, Jared. Seriously, Hodge, I'm in." Jensen strode to the door and wrenched it open. "My room now, or I'm calling you the lying bastard who can't keep up his end of a deal." Jensen sneered at Aldis and stormed out the door.

Jared turned to Aldis and Chris, ready to tell them he'd go after Jensen and cool him down, but Aldis had this calculating look on his face that Jared didn't like the look of at all. "Guys, this has gone too far now, right? You can't be thinking of taking him up on that? Aldis?"

Aldis turned and gave Jared a long look. "Hell, yes, I am. You tell me who turns down Jensen Ackles on a silver platter?"

Jared would have told him that he had, more than once, and mostly because Jensen had been drunk and lonely at the time, but Aldis was shaking off Chris and striding out the door after Jensen. When had Aldis become such a jerk anyway?

"Shit, shit, shit," Chris said. He poured a shot of tequila, knocked it back, and tried to glare the universe into submission.

"We have to stop this before we all end up on Jerry Springer or some shit," he said and headed for the door.

Jared followed him. There was no sign of Aldis in the hall, and they had to wait for the elevator. Jared tapped his feet impatiently while the elevator climbed up the three flights to Jensen's floor. He tried making a few deals with God while the numbers blinked on and off.

The hallway was empty, so Jared led the way to Jensen's room, across from his own. This was supposed to be a nice stress-relief weekend. A prank inside a prank, a few laughs and a few more drinks, and they'd all go back to work on Monday feeling good. Now it was all going to hell, and Jared didn't think Monday would be so damn happy.

He was about to knock on Jensen's door when he heard Jensen's angry voice from inside. Maybe he'd chew Aldis a new one, and this could all stop spiralling out of control. Jared could hope anyway. He and Chris inched in closer to the door.

"I said I'd do it," Jensen said, and he was talking loudly enough in his agitation that his voice carried easily to the hallway.

"So do it, then," Aldis said. "And I want to see some skin, baby, so strip down before you go down."

"Fuck," Jared whispered, and Chris shushed him.

Jared couldn't hear anything for a bit, and then Jensen said more quietly, "Is this what you want to see?" It sounded like nothing but bravado running dry, and Jared couldn't listen anymore.

"I'm going in there," he said to Chris, and he backed up, thinking he'd need to bust down the door or something.

Chris rolled his eyes. Aldis laid on some more of his bad porn dialogue. Chris tried the knob, and the door swung open.

Jared didn't hesitate; he charged in, afraid of what he was going to see, but knowing he had no choice. He stopped abruptly, transfixed by the tableau in front of him. He was pretty sure his mouth was open, but no sound was coming out.

Jensen and Aldis were both fully dressed, standing about three feet apart and holding—

"Are those scripts?" Chris said. He stormed forward and snatched the pages out of Jensen's hand.

Aldis doubled over in laughter, and Jensen was grinning so wide it looked like his face might break.

Chris tried Jensen's poking finger of outrage trick, but Jensen just batted him away and backed up a step. "Admit it, Chris, you got played by a master."

"The only thing I'll admit is that I'm glad we busted in when we did." Chris turned another page in the script. "Which one of you perverts wrote this?"

Jared caught Jensen's eye and grinned at him, nodded to acknowledge his win. Jensen tilted his head toward Chris, who was still rifling the script and fuming. Jared slapped him on the back to get his attention. One of these days he'd catch him unawares and make him stumble. "Come on, man, you're going to be late."

"Shit, yeah, I am," Chris said. "You assholes can buy me a beer or six later, and maybe I'll start speaking to you again."

Jared hauled Chris out the door, but not before he plucked the script out of Chris's hand and tossed it on the nearest chair. Jensen was still grinning so wide, and after the past weeks of him acting all tense and squirrelly, it was a good look on him. The smug bastard was a better actor than Jared had realized. Still gullible as shit, though.

* * *

"We are awesome," Aldis said, and Jensen just grinned at him, because they were awesome, and they had totally won, and life was beautiful.

Aldis sobered up a little. "Chris is going to pull out all the stops looking for revenge."

"Yeah, once it hits him that he willingly wore pink panties on film."

"Oh, that. I've never seen a man less embarrassed. The only thing he didn't like was the itchiness." Aldis found his evil smile again. "I might tell him that that's just because I bought the cheap stuff."

Jensen smiled, and did not care if he looked smug. He'd earned a little smug. "That was more of Kane than I ever needed to see, but I figure he might engineer the next round for up in Vancouver, and he'll have to drag you along." Jensen took a step closer and tipped his head in closer. "So I figure I get what I want whether I win or lose." Aldis looked a little unsure, and Jensen couldn't have that. "Why don't we try that scene again, only without the script and the door locked."

"Yeah?" Aldis said, and Jensen started stripping out of his shirt by way of an answer. Aldis locked the door and then stood arms crossed over his chest and watched. He nodded his head sagely and said in his best porn-star voice, "Yeah, baby, strip down before you go down."

Jensen snorted and ignored the fact that Aldis hadn't moved any closer.

"You and Jared," Aldis said, missing casual-sounding by a country mile, "you've got that silent communication thing down good."

"That a question?" Jensen asked, hooking his thumbs in his jeans and letting the weight of his hands push down the denim inch by inch. He let Aldis watch him warily for a few beats.

"No," Aldis said, "no, we're good." He smiled like he meant it and stepped closer, losing his shirt on the way. As soon as Aldis got his hands on Jensen, it was like he forgot how to be uncertain. Jensen let himself be manhandled over to the bed and kissed breathless on the way.

"Oh, yeah, we're good," Jensen said, and when Aldis shoved him down and landed on top of him, Jensen retaliated by copping a liberal feel of the Hodge ass. Aldis upped the ante with a little teeth. Jensen wrapped his leg around Aldis and rolled them so he was on top where he could grind down at will.

Aldis tried to shift him but Jensen knew a trick or two. "Oh, man, you're a damn tease. I was promised sexual favors, I distinctly remember that. So far all I got is a prom date."

Jensen laughed and slithered down Aldis's body until he was on his knees. He got Aldis's jeans open and yanked down enough so he could get his hand around Aldis's cock. Jensen squeezed once and then twice before he leaned in and started tonguing and sucking at Aldis's balls.

Aldis made some perfect little whining noises and pounded the mattress with his fist a couple of times. Jensen kept his hand still and worked his tongue a little harder. He didn't have to wait too long for the whining to turn into words and the words to resolve into something a lot like pleading.

Jensen sat back to give himself a break. "I win again," he said, letting his voice drop into his best version of Aldis's phone-sex drawl. "I bet myself I could get you to beg."

"I'm begging. This is absolutely me begging."

Jensen liked how that sounded, and he cursed as he worked his pants open enough to get a little relief.

He'd always liked fooling around with Aldis, but this time they were clicking in a way they never had before. Jensen decided to work Aldis slow and easy, see if he could get him to whine some more. Aldis bucked up once and then got himself under control, legs hanging tense beside Jensen's shoulders, hips still. Jensen rose up higher on his knees. He didn't want Aldis having any kind of control, not even of himself. Time to change the plan. "Let it go," Jensen said. "Give it up, hard as you can do it."

He went down as low as he could go and sucked hard as he pulled up. He opened his mouth wider, but Aldis still wasn't moving. "Come on," he said and thumped Aldis hard on the thigh with his fist.

That got him a nice buck in response, and he captured Aldis cock in his mouth again. Aldis met him with a few easy thrusts, which was better, but still not what Jensen wanted to drag out of him. Jensen grabbed the shaft of Aldis's cock and licked at the slit with quick flicks until Aldis was writhing in frustration and almost growling. "Gimme what I want," Jensen said and sucked him in again.

Aldis thrust up into his mouth, driving his cock deep. He tried to relax, tried to ride Aldis's thrusts with his whole body, bobbing up and then dropping down. Aldis was letting it go, fucking up into Jensen's mouth, and god damn, Jensen was on a roll tonight, getting every damn thing he wanted. He swallowed on the next thrust and pulled Aldis in deeper. Aldis thrust in harder, and Jensen managed to swallow the first spurts of come. He called it another win when most of the rest went in his mouth rather than all over his face when he finally had to pull off.

Aldis dragged Jensen back onto the bed after a few minutes. He crushed himself tight to Jensen and jacked him slowly. Aldis worked him like a master, whispering filth in his ear and squeezing Jensen just how he liked, and Jensen was riding on the high of a fine, fine night. He was going to come with one more pull, and he wanted it bad.

Aldis licked his ear and whispered low and sweet, "Baby, just lie back and think of Chris in that pretty pink lace."

Which was how Jensen ended up coming while picturing Chris Kane in lacy pink panties.

"Oh, yeah," Aldis said, "who's the champ now? Who _is_ the champion now?"


End file.
